It is a rare person who knows nothing about the Casey Anthony trial. Many people are divided- some people have watched the whole saga unfold online or on tv, following court proceedings and trial coverage. Other people adopt a "Why waste your time watching this stuff?" attitude, choosing to ignore the story. I would definitely say that I fall into the first category- I have found the whole trial exceedingly interesting. I DO think that it matters, not just to those interested in the justice system, but as a society and even as a mom. It matters so much.

I could go in a lot of different directions with this post. There are so many facets, it is hard to choose. However, something Jeff Ashton said in his closing arguments on Sunday really resonated with me. After discussing Casey's hard-partying ways both before and after her child's disappearance, he basically said that there is nothing wrong with young people being young people- but that Casey had given up that choice when she became a mom. That being a mom is about sacrifice. And that is when it really hit home for me.

We make a lot of choices in our lives- big ones, like having children or getting married. Little ones, like whether to buy store-brand juice or if HFCS is really that big of a deal. Lots of factors affect our choices, and we face consequences of every decision we choose to make. One of the biggest choices we make is whether or not to be content with all of the other choices.

Contentment Definition:
adj: 1.Mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are. 2. Assenting to or willing to accept circumstances, a proposed course of action, etc. 
vb: 3.( tr ) to make (oneself or another person) content or satisfied:to content oneself with property
n: 4. Peace of mind; mental or emotional satisfaction

Discontent Definition:noun: .1. Lack of content;  dissatisfaction. 2. A restless desire or craving for something one does not have. 

 It is so easy to look at your life and become discontent- missing the way of life you had before, or being envious of the lives that other people have. Wishing for more "me time" or more STUFF. Wishing we could go back and undo the choices we make. 

Discontent is a prison. Every person, every mom has those moments when she wishes that things were different- that those days of freedom and a full night's rest look awfully appealing, or that her child would behave in a way that didn't mortify her. Sometimes, when life gets REALLY hard, we even indulge ourselves in the "If I had known then what I know now" train of thought. And then we move on. This is normal. The danger is when we continue to indulge ourselves until a desperate discontent wells up- and it is a prison. It affects the way we look and think about things. It affects our relationships with other people. It causes us to justify our actions. "Well, if I had THIS, or lived THAT lifestyle, I wouldn't be so depressed. Life would be better." And we get stuck there. Instead of finding the joy in the everyday- the blessings of our children, the gratitude of enjoying what we DO have, the peace of knowing that life lived right now is a gift- we find joy in very little. A prison. ("The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy." Proverbs 14:10) ("A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed." Proverbs 15:13)

This trial is an extreme example of this. Desperate for the lifestyle of her peers, desperate for her youth and fun, this young mom made choices that affected her entire family and herself. Choices that horrify the people watching, no doubt, but choices that will effectively remove her even further from the life she so desperately wanted and put her in a prison of her own making. Rather than looking at the face of her beautiful daughter and the family, however dysfuntional, that rallied around her to help her raise her daughter and do her best as a mom, she desperately grabbed for a life that was out of reach. Her discontent pushed her to destroy her own life. 

Like I said, extreme. The types of disappointment we face, the brands of discontent we suffer, are not nearly as dramatic. Wishing our kids would stay on a normal nap schedule is not enough to push us over the edge, but constantly wishing for a different life can. While that "edge" doesn't always result in murder, it does result in prison. Maybe not federal prison. But still prison. Somewhere dark where we are unable to receive joy or the light of God's grace and mercy and blessings in the choices we face ("And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail." Isaiah 58:11). 

So how do we find and keep "contentment"? I'm not really sure. Depending on the season of life we are in, it can be very evasive or easy to find. Some days are easier than others, no doubt. Some experiences challenge us more than others. It is a rare person who can walk through every experience with a smile on their face, free from envy of others or guilt from their own choices. I don't think that we are asked to do that, really. I don't think "contentment" means being happy in every circumstance- if it is, then I give up right now! Because we are human, we will always face moments of guilt, uncertainty, and even unhappiness. Dwelling there, turning those moments into something bigger,  is a choice. ("I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need." Phillipians 4:12)

Perhaps it is as easy as reminding ourselves that we are right where God wants us to be, doing what He has asked us to do, with the talents and grace He has given us ("Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him." 1 Cor. 7:17). Perhaps it is as easy as keeping a journal reminding us of our blessings and the help we have received from Him and others to make seasons of our lives a bit easier ("You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Isaiah 26:3). Perhaps it as easy as realizing that, whatever the circumstances, we don't HAVE to face them alone ("Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for He has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'” Hebrews 13:5).

Perhaps it is as easy as seeing an extreme example of a woman who robbed herself of joy and peace, lost her daughter, tore apart her family, and put herself in prison.